Yes, We Owe Each Other A Lot in Life
.... and stop acting like we don't!
Recently, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about the idea of what we ‘owe’ one another. Over the last decade or so (I’m sure longer, but I’ve noticed it a lot more recently), people have taken up this mantle - maybe it’s more an armor - of stating that they don’t owe anyone anything. This extreme sense of individualism has cropped up and has made its way into the mainstream zeigiest in a way that I’ve never expereinced before.
A lot of it seems to stem from the weaponization of therapy-speak and the bastardization of the idea of self-care. People are using the idea of self-care as a way to center their needs and desires without a care for how it may impact others. All of this has somehow pushed individualism and exceptionalism to the far edges into self over-indulgence in the American masses.
And the thing is, none of this is surprising for certain demographics of the US empire; there have always been those who feel it is their right and destiny to take from the earth and from others - to pillage into destruction. What’s given me pause, is how this way of thinking has bleed into all demographics of people. I suppose it’s hard to be born into a settler colony, raised in the colony, and not take on traits, even the most henious, of that colony. I guess, maybe, I continue to expect more from people. I expect people to understand that if we are to find any true sense of happiness and peace, we owe each other EVERYTHING.
(I’m gonna nerd out a bit here to make a larger point and I hope you’re willing to journey with me. You are reading a piece by a boujee, Black, traveling, moral philosopher, and abolitionist, afterall!)
In the Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle describes human beings at their full capacities and most fulfilled when in community.
Simply put, an individual derives true fulfillment, true happiness, when others are happy - ultimately when the community, as a whole, is expereincing happiness.
At first glance, the Nicomachean Ethics discussion on virtues seems to be solely in service to individual happiness, but the pursuit of the welfare of others is more present in having a virtuous nature than readily seen. Aristotle discusses two types of virtues: virtue through justice and virtue through friendship (community/relationship). Virtue of justice, is acquired via things like rules and law - they serve as an external motivation to be ‘good’. It provides some external supports and scaffolding - pressures, if you will - to live a life of virtue. But virtue through friendship is more organic; Aristotle describes it as ‘reciprocated goodwill’.
Relationship and friendship are neccessary to human life. While relationship can sometimes exists simply for utility, as a means to an end, Aristotle describes something he calls ‘complete friendship’. ‘Complete Friendship’ is that of “good people similar in virtue”. In a ‘complete friendship’ the individual’s primary concern is not about their own happiness or pleasure, but for the other person. And it is not about an idea of reciprocity, but the concern is simply for the other person’s good, because the other person is - they exist and deserve good. In these types of ‘complete friendships’ we share each other’s joy and sorrow, we share everyday common life experiences and allow each other the space and grace to process and understand those expereinces for the greater good.
So. What does all of this have to do with us owing one another everything? I’m making the very big assumption that we are all striving for Eudaimonia (A Greek word. Concept of happiness, that is not only about living a life of pleasure, but a life that is fulfilling and rich due to virtue). And if that assumption is true, that we are all seeking that type of happiness, then the only way for us to acheive that is in service to others, in relationship, and in authentic community.
One of the hardest things for us to find the nuanced balance in is: getting our needs and wants met without harming others, while also getting the needs and wants of others met without harming ourselves. But, just because we have yet to find a good balance of that, doesn’t mean that we have to sacrifice one for the other. It is our duty, as a species who needs relationship, companionship, friendship to continue to strive towards ensuring those around us have everything they need to live a fulfilling life.
Our responsibility to community care and collective success & happiness isn’t in spite of our own care, success, and happiness, it is in sevice to it!
And while it may seem like I’m still focusing on us attaining our own happiness through virtue, it’s not that simple. It’s abour realizing that these things are inextricable from one another. In order for me to find any sense of fulfillment in life, I have to making space for those around me. I have to be willing to center the community and care and mutual aid. I have to allow my moral compass to give me the strength to speak out against injustice towards others. I have to try my damndest, at every turn, to feed the hungry and love the lost. And the thing is, those practiced behaviors, de-centering ideas of individualism, automatically leads to a happy and fulfilled life. We don’t have to be seeking it out. We just have to lean into the care for those near and far from us.
We owe each other everything; space, care, grace, love, empathy, patience, insight, food, clothes, shelter, money, safety… EVERYTHING! And we owe it to those who are close in proximity and relationship to us, and those who are far from us in those things. That is what it means to be human. What it means to share humanity. And it’s only through our shared humanity and the rejection of the manufacutred need to dominate and hold dominion, that we are able to live a fulfilled, peaceful, and truly happy life. We have to continue to hold those in power and with access and wealth accountable for how the least of us are being treated. We owe it to ourselves, which means we owe it to everyone else.
So good, I like this perspective.