From Expat to Immigrant

Why one feels different than the other.

It’s been nine months. Nine whole months since we left America. I mentioned, in another post, how I could have been pregnant and had a baby in the time that we’ve been gone. There are so many things that feel so strange about it all. I haven’t driven a car in over nine months. Thankfully, we’ve had friends and family visit in the time we’ve gone (3 best friends, 1 brother, and a cousin stationed in Korea though she is leaving for the States again after five years), so it hasn’t always felt lonely and isolating, but nine months of just me, my husband, and our two kids. Nine months of never staying in any one place longer than 3 months. Lots of packing and unpacking and re-packing (You get really good at getting rid of stuff and parting with material possessions in this lifestyle).

And now, here we are, four days from leaving Korea for the second time (we started our journey here in late August 2024 - November 2024 and returned in March 2025.). This time feels different. Something feels significantly different about leaving Korea this time around. For anyone who knows me, and has known me for any number of years, Korea has held an extremely special place in my world. I’ve visited here, every year, for roughly a month at a time, for the last seven years. It has felt like a place of reprieve and safety, and somewhere I’ve been able to have introspection free of the nonsense that I was experiencing in the United States.

As geo-politics becomes increasingly more volatile and interconnected, even being in Seoul, feels too much like the over-worked, productivity focused, capitalistic and consumerism fueled life back in the States. We’ve spent about five months, all together, here, and the veneer has worn off. The escapism of it. And, while I could argue that would be case for any place that we move, there is something that feels too familiar about here. There’s nothing wrong with familiar, it’s comforting. But the familiar that I’m experiencing is of many things that we looked to escape in our pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness.

Americans like to describe themselves as ‘expats’ when they leave the US for another country. Lots of times, those who describe themselves as expats are in a place temporarily, for work or retirement, etc. And there is this idea that ‘home’ is still back somewhere else. There is an instinct to recreate the ways of home, in their temporary location. It often feels less like wanting to understand and accept a culture, and more like touring a culture for a time, until you get back to ‘home’. While these are my personal thoughts on the application of what it means to be an expat, not the definition - I think, over the last nine months, we’ve been operating as expats and that feeling has shifted significantly, recently.

Last week, my family and I spent time filling out and re-filling out visa paperwork for the Thai embassy, and having to provide excessive financial and employment documentation, while having ORIGINALS of birth and marriage certificates. We’ve spent hours gathering documents and ensuring that we understand the very strict requirements needed to obtain a longer term Thai visa. We’ve spent HUNDREDS of dollars through this process. And, I’m not complaining. Has it been frustrating? Absolutely. I’ve felt like so many things are out of my control when it comes to the future of my family, through this process, while holding on to the mantra that “the universe is always conspiring in my favor”. I believe that plan A will always work, while having plans B & C ready to go if needed. I’ve sat, humbly, in embassies and immigration offices, while someone talked over my head in a language that I had no real grasp of - hoping that they were working for my good and favor. Hoping that I was worthy to continue to seek out a better life for me and my family.

We are immigrating. We are leaving a country that has proven to be unsafe, hostile to people like us, and refuses to care for its citizens with basic needs, but expects us to maintain the current speed and flow of capitalism and consumerism (this is where South Korea was feeling too familiar for my liking). We’re leaving that place to find a sense of safety. Because the culture isn’t just something that we want to experience until we can return home; we believe in the way of life in Thailand. We are immigrating to a place that feels more in alignment with what we value and what it means to live a full life. Thailand offers life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness for us.

“Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness.” - Unknown

I think there’s something to that. To differentiate between expat and immigrant. This isn’t a 10 year stop-gap until we get back to the US. We feel deeply connected to Buddhist virtues of loving kindness, compassion, joy in others’ happiness, and serenity. In the States, we exhibited these virtues in various ways, but the culture there didn’t allow for us to lean in to them in ways that felt honest and unblemished. We, like most everyone, were so wrapped up in making more money, having more and bigger things, and keeping up image. I was one of the most egregious perpetrators of this. And it was negatively impacting my physical, emotional, and mental well-being. When I realized it was killing me (and everyone around me), I needed to pursue happiness in a way that felt more authentic to how I understood and experienced the world.

I am not here to say that there aren’t any challenges in Thai culture or that all of American culture is bad - I’m not naive. I am saying that what we’ve experienced within Thai culture and with Thai people has more alignment with who we aspire to be and how we aspire to raise our kids. Free of over-consumption, with a deep appreciation of rest and for the Earth, and finding joy in community. And because we’ve found that, we continue to weather the bureaucracy of immigration. We aren’t just here to tour this country and culture, we want to embrace it fully, alongside the Thais, with reverence, humility, and a sense of learning and peace. We’ve been expats in Korea and Vietnam, and now, we’re embracing the commitment of immigration. It is intentional, and time consuming, and expensive. Immigrating is not something you just do on a whim and show up without having exhausted many resources (time, money, relationships). But it is worth it for our life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness.

It gives me a greater appreciation for those who make this choice around the world, especially those who immigrate to the United States, only to be treated as less than. My allyship stands stronger than ever, as a sibling who understands the journey. Who understands why the immigrant motto is ‘one foot in front of the other’ for a better life.

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