Friendships, Imagination, and Liberation
...if this is about you, you can text me and we'll talk, I guess...
I lost a friend due to politics, recently.
I’m unsure if it actually matters. I know that people are losing parents and siblings, children and spouses, all due to politics, so me losing a friend of four years seems silly to be so heartbroken over. But, I am heartbroken.
One of the things I’ve been sitting with, the last few weeks since we had (what I consider) our final conversation, is how he was able to hide his ideologies from me. To know me is to know passion for the care of humanity - in full and big ways. And this man, this friend, he knows me. He and I have had many conversations about socio-politics over the years. Hell, he even reads this publication of mine, which showcases the very clear and strong feelings and ideas I have regarding what it means to honor and hold sacred our collective humanity. But, I’m taken aback by the fact that I didn’t notice how he actually sees and operates in the world; in particularly how he prioritizes preserving the ideals of capitalism over the preservation of people. I missed that part of him. And I wonder if I missed it because I am often more caught up in my own righteous tirades than actually listening to how others are receiving said tirades… but I’ll keep thinking on that bit of self-awareness…
Over the years, we’ve talked a lot about what it means to create spaces for people to feel comfortable and safe. How it’s important that folks with different backgrounds, experiences, expectations, and identities come together and can talk, gain and add perspective, and find validation and forgiveness. And, when we have these conversations, we never think that these processes are going to be easy or have immediate results, but it has felt like we both understand the nuanced yet abject harm that many of our societal institutions and systems have projected onto a lot of people - myself and him and the rest of his Korean American family and friends, included.
In our last conversation, he mentioned how he is not a fan of the current president, but how he was very excited for the republicans to win and take back a majority control. And that stopped me - cold. When I asked him to specify what he meant, he said, “No parties will ever turn things around in a way to satisfy all people. Instead the way I look at it is the overall balance/cycle.” He went on to send me a graphic (below) to back up his claim. I then let him know that basing his voting solely on the ebbs and flows of capitalism is short-sighted, especially considering that politicians are asked to make legislation and decisions that aren’t inherently directly related to commerce and economics (yes, I am aware that most of the ways our systems have been set up means that almost all aspects of American life is, in fact, tied to commerce and capitalism). I then told him that his idea of ‘balance’, especially as it pertains to capitalism, is not something I subscribe to, not in the face of a disregard for human rights and then ended the conversation.
I’m sharing this, because I think there is some learning here. I’m taking away a few things from this moment, from the loss of this relationship that I cherished.
The biggest lesson here is that: even some of the most progressive of us, are operating with inherited blueprints, unaware of other architectural possibilities.
What do I mean by that?